Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its not stalking. its research.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Holy shit dude........stairs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
