yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
