I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
