the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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