Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
