that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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