She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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