You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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