sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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