Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wish I could teleport
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize