She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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