i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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