:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
