dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
