This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
