Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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