I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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