Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he just fucked me for my cheese.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
