What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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