You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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