id be glad to
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
