i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
a search helicopter?!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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