So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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