You work out of a Hotel?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
