it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
