So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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