I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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