this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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