Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
