Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He? As in you personified your dick?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
