Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.