i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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