I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
