he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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