Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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