Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
