If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
