I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
