I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
