Taylor Swift is so right about you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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