she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
