I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
