she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
