That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
