just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
