i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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