It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I stole a fireplace last night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
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My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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