i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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