I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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