I'm eating all of the evidence.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
