Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
