Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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