Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
