yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can I color on your dick again?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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