what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
