you guys were way drunker than both of me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
