ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
