well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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