someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
