I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
