If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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