so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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