I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize