I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
