Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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