ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Houston, we have a blender
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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