remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
