I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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