haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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