dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
