It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize