can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
