It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
