Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
