i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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