The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
