since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize