What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He passed out mid-signature
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
