so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize