On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
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i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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