I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He called his prostate his "boner button".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
