Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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