That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
