Farmville is her only friend.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
