I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
